I have this incredible urge to get those first weeks out, to get them out now.
I already feel a little bit better about DD. It's writing and releasing. Writing and releasing...
I took a break from it yesterday. I wanted to spend some time with my daughter and a few friends. The rest of the family has been on a camping trip for the last week.
One thing I'm beginning to learn, is that I don't have to feel and deal with everything RIGHT THIS MINUTE. It's alright to push it to the side for a minute and just be me for a while.
I went to bed the night I started this blog exhausted. That was Thursday night. I told myself I would let it go on Friday, relax, enjoy the day. I told myself it would be a good day, and I would not allow myself to think about him, the affair, the OW. (I really want the initials to be, 'OW', and for it to stand for Other Whore) Or how about TW. The Whore. So much better.
But no. Can't happen. Because every other day, something new comes out, and it sends me spiraling back into Crazy Town. I swore yesterday that I was leaving him. I swore up and down that it was over. I was packing his shit, and he was out. I can't take one more fucking discovery. But they just keep happening.
So, I'm taking a break today. We talked and argued over what sent me spiraling backwards, and it's sort of fixed. I think. They come home today, so I'm going to put this on the back burner for today. I hope.
I know the months coming up in the story are burning in me to get out. I've learned all kinds of new terms and acronyms:
DDay - Discovery Day (for me.. there was 3...I'll explain)
OW - Other Woman (Other Whore, or The Whore, as I like to call her)
Hysterical Bonding. (my new favorite term)
Hysterical Bonding. Google it.
The first three days after DDay, I was very confused why I wanted him so bad. How I could let him anywhere near me? How I could want to go anywhere near him?
I was confused and battling with myself, but I could not seem to say no, or stop myself. I could not get enough of him. It was all I could think about. When we weren't talking, fighting, discussing, crying, yelling.... we were fucking.
It was only a few weeks ago when I started looking for help, that that term came into my life. I actually feel a little relief that I am not the only one, and it's quite common after discovering your spouse has had an affair.
