That first week after him coming to the skating rink was strange. He was never far from me, and texts and calls all throughout the day. He was sweet and attentive. I did not know what had changed in him, but I was happy. I also kept one eye on him, and I found myself not really letting any walls down as I did not trust that it would turn again.
The weekend of April 9th found me wanting to get out of the house. I told him I had found a new antique mall about an hour away, and that I was heading out. He asked if he could come with me. Antique malls for me are heaven. I've nick named them "My Happy Place". Just to spend an hour or two wandering around in the past is my idea of a little slice of heaven.
Let's just say, he has gone with me before, but he has never asked to come along.
I said, "sure?" And he jumped up, went into the kitchen and pulled my wedding rings out of an old milk jar I had stashed them in back in January. He put them back on my finger, and told me he hopes I never have to take them off again.
We had an amazing day. He held my hand the whole way there, he held my hand through the mall, he took me to dinner before we headed home. It was such a nice day.
We went out, just the two of us, many many times over the next few weeks. He held my hand, he opened doors, he made me feel incredible. I was falling in love with him all over again. Dare I say that I may not have fallen in the beginning of our relationship like I was falling now? I can only describe it as desperate. Something had shaken us, we almost lost each other, and we were now desperately holding on. It wasn't hard to do.
My life was wrapped around my kids. His life was wrapped around our company, his band, and his own life. We had long ago lost each other. For the first time in almost 18 years, we were paying attention to US. Taking time for us. We talked, we laughed, we went out constantly, we texted, we flirted, we pushed some boundaries that we had not even thought of crossing in the past.
It was amazing. I fell in love with him. It was easy, it was fun. It was incredible. I was seeing this man in a whole new light. We could not get enough of each other. I do think though, that we were both taken by surprise by the intensity of what was happening.
April 23rd. My youngest son was out of state, a weekend training session for scouts. I was cleaning the kitchen and doing some household chores. The husband was working on one of the vehicles, and he realized he needed something from the auto parts store. He let me know he was heading out, and asked our oldest son if he wanted to go. He told his dad he did, and asked if they could stop by one of his friends house on the way there to pick up a video game. He said yes, and then handed him the keys so he could drive. He has his learners, and still needs an adult driving with him.
We all said goodbye to each other, and they left.
I finished cleaning and sat down for a bit. My phone rang.
"Can you come and pick us up by Advanced Auto?" I'm registering what he is saying slowly... He took our Suburban, and I'm not picturing that particular vehicle breaking down. "Why?" I asked. "The suburban is totaled" he said. "Come get us, he's OK, I'm OK, just drive carefully and come pick us up"
I don't remember driving there. When I came on the scene, full of cops and emergency vehicles, all I could think about was finding my son and husband. I ran through policemen that were standing around, one tried to hold me back, but I kept yelling my son was just in the accident. My eyes took in the condition of the two vehicles involved, our suburban, almost beyond recognition, and a black Honda Civic, completely demolished. My eyes took it in, but my mind couldn't comprehend what I was seeing. No one could survive what these vehicles looked like.
I heard someone yelling out, and I realized that had to be the other person involved. I had beaten the ambulance to the scene! Somewhere in my mind, I could hear more sirens heading our way. He looked alright to me, but his pants were torn, and nose was bleeding.
I finally realized my son was sitting next to the other young man that was involved. I saw my husband a few feet away talking with police.
The ambulance came, and took the other driver. We got our police report, watched a bit of the clean up, and left the scene. It was horrifying. It's been 9 months since the accident, and I still have nightmares. All I can say is that engineering is amazing. Those two vehicles were completely totaled and everyone walked away. They did what they needed to do in the accident, and that was protect those inside. The other driver was fine, my guys were fine. Just shaken the core. Our Suburban was towed to a lot, and when we went to get our things out of it, I was just blown away by how many airbags had deployed, and was strangely grateful to whomever designed it to keep my guys safe inside.
That Honda hit them going around 60. Spun it completely around, knocking it into oncoming opposite traffic. Both drivers and passengers survived. Amazing.
Needless to say? It was a somber evening at our house. Quiet. Still.
We went to bed that night not saying much. He laid down, and I next to him. I had my hand on his chest, my head on his shoulder.
To this day? I can't remember what was said in the next few moments after we laid down. I've been trying to remember, but can't seem to grasp it. It seems to dance just right outside of my memory, and I can't grab it.
But I guess it doesn't matter. Whatever he said, brought HER back into our lives. Whatever he said that night, laying in the silent dark, I realized that he had just ended with them. It had just ended with them recently, not January 1st like he had been telling me. It had just recently ended.
Man... I wish I could remember!!
I remember shaking my head, and asking about it. His voice sounded hoarse and shaky as he answered me, saying, "Please. Not tonight, I can't do this tonight. I'm sore, stiff from head to toe, and can't do this tonight."
I gave him that. I let him rest. I did not. My head was full of visions of the accident and the two of them together. I tried to piece together the past 8 months. I tried to push away the thoughts of the accident, instead trying to focus on the fact that everyone was alive and alright. I was stuck that night. I was in hell.
The next morning, after he woke up, the madness went into full fledged insanity. We had to go pick up our son from training that afternoon. This will be one of my craziest days. The next few weeks will come close, but this day starts it all.
