Disclosure has finally started...

Trickle truth.

It sucks.

Read two posts back... you'll see me bitching about it.  Follow me on twitter?  You'll see me bitching about it.

I realized I had to change my attitude when I asked him questions.  I realized that I needed to make him feel safe.

Which sucks too!!!!  I have to fucking baby him to get him to talk to me?

But I did.  I messed up, and needed to re-think how to do it so he felt safe.

The first time he went to see her, he popped into her place of work and they went to lunch.  I'm now working in that area, and honestly?  I don't want to go to the same establishment that they went to.  So I asked him, "Where did you guys eat lunch that day?"

Simple, right?  I'm not asking, "how many times did you fuck her in January?"  I'm asking a not so hard one to start!   He panicked, though I was calm.  He said he couldn't tell me, that I can't handle it.  We go back and forth and it escalates into a full blown battle for a week.  After the week went by and things settled, I looked at him and said, "This whole week was the worst fight yet. The longest fight yet...and all you had to do was tell me the name of the restaurant you two went to that first day"

He looked down, and nodded.

So I waited a day or two.  I texted him, in the morning, and asked the same question.  I say, now is best, because then I have the day away to process.  45 minutes later, he texted me back with the answer.  I was fuming, but he didn't know.  I cried, he didn't see or hear.  I texted back, "thank you, this helps me.  Have a good day and I love you". When he came home, I was calm, I no longer wondered if I would ever go into that restaurant, I had processed through that information.  Was able to talk to a friend that day, was able to bitch and moan, and when I saw him that night I hugged him and made dinner.

I positively reinforced his action.  He felt safe.

Or next talk was face to face, and again I remained calm as he explained some of the things she had told me.  I had to walk away at one point, and collect myself, but I remained calm, we talked, we hugged, he even cried.

I gave him a safe place to talk.  He needed to see that he could tell me what I'm asking for, and me not over react.

But now... after this weekend... I'm spinning.  I'm calm though.

I'm furious, but I'm rational.

I am talking to friends about it, I'm trying to process, but I'm sinking.  The further I sink, the more I feel like I'm detaching from him.  I'm starting to look at the future, and he is not in it.

I'm starting to see my future without him in it.

I asked him, because for some reason, I need to know.   "When did you start sleeping with her?"