I do wonder if I feel a betrayal from her. I feel like I contacted her TWICE, and both times she lied, and both times she acted like nothing was going on with them. If she had just turned him away, he wouldn't have had the opportunity to cheat with her.
I feel like I need to get over this part.
I feel like I'm needing my blog NOW, in the present to do a bit of writing, releasing, and trying to figure it all out. And some venting. Boy, do I need some present day venting.
I can't go out of order though... lol!
I woke up that morning, and while we were having coffee, I asked. I asked, "Did it just recently end with you two?"
"I don't know"
What do you mean, you don't know?? This answer makes my head spin. I put it more simple, "Did you still talk to her, or see her, or text with her after Jan. 1st?"
"Yes."
I have to baby step him to answering that they were still communicating through March. April 3rd is when he came for me. I asked him if he saw her in person.
"No." But I know. I know he's lying.
"It's just texting and talking on the phone?" "Yes."
I know he's lying.
I'm furious. I get in the car, and leave. Take a drive. He texts me, "I love you, let's get that hot tub you want, come home..."
I pull into a parking lot, and using the Notes app on my phone, I type out a nasty letter to her. I know she has an android, so I want my text to her to be complete, and not broken up into several different texts.
I'm furious. At this time in the discovery of his affair, I'm full on blaming her. I'm full on hating her and totally blaming everything on her.
(Side note: A year later, I'm definitely still angry at her, but not like I was, and YES... I blame him more. He did this.)
I don't send it right away. I'm actually not really planning to send it. It felt a little bit cathartic just to type it out.
We get in the car to head north to pick up our son. Now I have him...He can't leave, he can't run out the door, he can't avoid me. He has to sit next to me for almost 3 hours. He's mine.
On the drive, he admits ONLY to talking and texting. He continues to hold strong that he was home alone on New Years eve. I asked four thousand times about New Years Eve. He swears he wasn't with her the two weeks he moved out in December, SWEARS and promises he didn't see her in person at all.
I ask a million questions about her. I had seen her social media, before she blocked me, and she very much likes to play a little mousy victim. I said that to him, "She's a damn mouse." (I'm more of a velociraptor... mice piss me off) He mumbled, "She's no mouse. She's 6 foot tall." I said, "I meant more of the way she acts." But then it hits me what he said. I said, "What? 6ft?! You're 5'6!! You would never let me wear heels because I would be taller than you! WTF?!" He didn't say anything.
I asked about certain dates and days again, asking if he had seen her. I just don't believe that they didn't see each other in person. He continues to tell me they only saw each other 2 times, once 5 days into their affair when he went to her house, and 1 time when he had her show up at Taco Bell with our son in the car.
He SWEARS it was only an emotional connection over text and phone. I said, "FINE. Let me text her and ask her."
He says, "IF YOU TEXT HER, I WILL CANCEL YOUR PHONE THE MINUTE WE GET BACK HOME." He's screaming like a fool. We are yelling at each other, fighting hard. We pull into a McDonald's, and as I was getting out, I was shaking hard. I told him I had quite a bit to say to her too, and was going to text her. He yelled, "I just don't give a fuck anymore!! Go ahead! I don't care!"
So I did. I sent my angry letter from that morning. I was so furious at them, I wanted a divorce right then and there, that moment, that second. I was insane.
(When I texted her all the way back in September, the first time, she went crying to him that I texted her.)
Yes. She's looking for her 4th husband. She's 45 years old. Her maiden name is our last name. I asked him if she thought it was some kind of fate that they shared the last name. He said, "She told me that she would never go back to that name because she has Daddy issues."
I'm so immature.
Anyway... she sends me a nasty reply and then she CALLS him right away. He doesn't answer, and he doesn't listen to the voicemail she leaves.
I'm shaking. I can't breathe, I don't even know what I'm saying back to her. I'm just a mess. I sort of remember his face, he's driving, he's looking ahead, he's looking worried. I'm not even saying anything out loud at this point, I'm just texting her and having a mini stroke. The adrenaline was off the charts.
I don't usually talk like this. Just saying.
Needless to say, none of that is true. When she said what she did about me and my kids not being his, and I've cheated on him? I was dumbfounded. Did he actually say that to her? Did he go to her and tell her these horrible lies as some kind of excuse to make himself look like the poor cheated on husband who has done no wrong? To get her to feel better about what SHE was doing?
Oh...the wife is a whore, poor guy...here, let me make you feel better?
I don't know. He swears to this day he didn't say any of that to her. I'm still floored to this day over this.
Funny how they both told me within minutes of each other how tall she was. It's not like I have anything against tall women... it's just that he's on the short side, and he's always had a little bit of a complex over it. To choose a woman that is half a foot taller still leaves me shaking my head.
We arrived early to pick up our son. I'm dying, sitting next to him. I'm yelling, I'm crying, I'm laughing... I'm pretty sure I've gone mad.
He listens to the voicemail, I can hear through his phone that she's yelling.
She tells him that he needs to get control of me, and that none of this is her fault.
We picked up our son, and went home. I was in a strange, strange mood. I felt like I had circled my wagons around my husband, my kids, my life. I viewed her as the enemy, I hated her. She was the enemy.
The sex that night was off the charts. I'm truly feeling insane at this point, like something inside me has slipped off it's track.
I'm still not back on it.
Her and I are not done. We have another go at it the next day.
